I am the Beholder

I like drawing portraits because I believe that each person is unique by their eyes, nose, and mouth in three alone. Sort of a unique trinity. I like trying my best to capture that. I also believe that the eye of the beholder sees each feature just a little bit differently. Through my drawings, I like to show people what my eyes and what my hands see.

I think my next obstacle is to evoke some kind of emotion out of each figure. Smiling for the camera is one thing; but what were they thinking or feeling when they took the picture? What are the smallest lines and wrinkled around their eyes and mouth that give it away?



It's not often that I become nervous when speaking in public, but yesterday was one of those rare occasions. It was the oddest sensation -- I nearly lost my nerves by my captivation of the phenomenon. Suddenly, my audience seemed to zoom far away, as if I was now trying to reach listeners from a great distance. My consciousness seemed to rush backwards, as though further still from my intent audience. My voice and whatever part of the brain that controls what I say felt separated from my consciousness, while my voice seemed to echo back at me as though coming from some other person. I felt as though I was a part of the confused audience, waiting and trying to make sense of what "I" was trying to say, and wondering what was coming next.

My secret? I started crying in front of the audience. They all thought that I was crying because my story was so personal and touching, but I think that I started crying because I lost my nerve in the sea of eyes and ears fixed upon me.