work all day, work all night, sleep late, wake up early, repeat, and repeat. B is in Vegas for a work trip. i tried calling yesterday, but he was out drinking/eating with friends. we chatted for a bit late last night, but i was so tired, i was legitimately afraid i would doze off while driving home from State. forget having any energy by the time i was in bed.
today: work all day, work all night, try calling again, no reply... finally try calling again at 11:30pm, but he's partying it up with coworkers. so, off to bed i go. time to sleep so that I can work all day and work all night tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.
suffice to say, i am having a solo pity party right now.
one day, i will look back on this blogpost and think one of the following:
a) how was i ever a teacher, i'm so glad i'm no longer a teacher
b) why am i still a teacher, the work was killing me then and it's still killing me now
c) dear past self, it will get easier, but not any time soon, you will suffer for a bit longer, at least unless you lower your expectations for yourself and/or your students
d) dear past self, you broke your back over tons of work that week, and for what? it wasn't worth it.
and i will definitely thing the following:
stop going to bed past 10pm. you need a full 8 hours of sleep to be ready for the beast of each day that each day is.
i suppose i should attempt escaping the negative place my mind has taken me.
= = =
i ran into J, former student of mine, at SFSU today. i taught him Health his sophomore year, Chemistry his junior year, and Algebra 2 his senior year. now, he's training to become an EMT and is working towards becoming a nurse.
are my back-breaking hours of work worth it? idk.
for now, i'll freeze frame the image of J in his SFSU jacket in my mind as I try to get some sleep and tell myself, "yes".