...is a funny concept at this stage of life. How do you describe the people that you call friends?

-We have a shared history, and we haven't spoken in months, but she knows that I am there for her if she needs me
-I trust her
-He's always down to hang out, and it's always a great time
-He's always there to talk to me about the melodramas of a college student
-When we hang out, it's cool, but there is still an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing going on
-We have a lot of shared interests. A lot. It's pretty ridiculous.
-I love her
-And him too

When I was young, I got into the habit of immediately labeling someone as my 'friend', even though we had just met that day. I think it came out of growing up in a military family and having to move around a bit. You were my friend if you:

-Welcomed me at recess or lunch
-Played basketball with me
-Partnered with me during classwork

In fact, from there stemmed a lot of the best friends that I have today.

And now, I use the term friend and best friend pretty interchangeably. Sometimes I feel that to not call my good friends 'best friend' would be to sell our relationship short.

So it goes. I'm a big talker (and listener, I hope). It almost doesn't matter if we have different interests, a different sense of humor, or different experiences... If I can talk for an hour straight with you, I immediately feel that 'best friend' closeness, and I only want to get closer.

So what's the problem? I argue that by today's standards, everyone is looking for a friend, a best friend, or a significant other. The lines aren't supposed to blur, the titles shouldn't overlap. Each role has its own specifications. People get uncomfortable when I interchange the meanings, afraid that I am getting too close for my own good. So what's the problem? It wasn't a problem, for me.

Until now. Maybe I'm buying into what society is teaching me is "right".

When it comes down to it, we all aren't looking for a 'friend', a 'best friend', or a 'significant other'. We're just looking for a human connection.

To my best friend: I am here for you because you need me. You may need me to step up to help you find the strength in yourself. You may need me to step back to allow you to use that strength. To my best friend: Thank you for listening to me, for holding me, without judgment. To my best friend: I miss you.

Maybe these words get tossed around too much for some, but I like it. To my best friend: I love you.



I try to stay positive in my day-to-day everythings, and I generally succeed. Let me just preface this second consecutive, negative blog post with the explanation that writing is my outlet to frustrations of all sorts.

That being said.

People who disrespect others' time = fail at life.

I'm tired of getting stood up, of waiting on others, and of being forced to rearrange my schedule (and thus the schedules of others who count on me). I understand the value of time, which is all well and good, until my time is at the mercy of another.

To those of you who have been late, canceled plans last minute, or just never bothered to show up, think of the consequence of your actions on the rest of us, please.

We're hungry from waiting for you. We're waiting in the rain. We live far from home and can't be out too late. We have other appointments to attend to. We arranged our schedule around the time when you promised that you would be free. We were forced to cancel other plans to make this meeting with you.

The possibilities - or probabilities - don't end.

I'm the kind of person that seizes control of any situation at hand. The fact that these inconveniences (to put it lightly) keep coming up tells me that I need to start taking control.

My Options:
  1. Make it clear to people that I have somewhere to be afterwards, and that the meeting needs to be over by a certain time. Hopefully, this will make it obvious to them that they need to arrive on time.
  2. Always bring work to do so that even if I end up having to wait or getting stood up, I can make the most of my idle time.
  3. If they are late by an unreasonable amount of time, leave and go on with my schedule.
  4. Lead by example.


Get Out of Here, Poli Sci 4!

Am I just cranky, or what?

Listening to a lecture about Paine's "Common Sense" right now, and I'm getting hella annoyed by Paine's philosophies. It gets difficult to simply sit quietly in class and let this professor talk at me about the novelties of revolutionary American thought.

To paint a pretty little picture, my professor is a middle-aged, petite, white woman who always dresses as though she is a politician attending a funeral. She projects her husky voice with overbearing assertion; her voice is surprisingly big for such a small woman. If one were to look (or listen) past her demeanor, her words suggest that she was hired by the government to act as official cheerleader of American politics. Ugh. Slay me.

Speaking of pain... Listening to political theories aimed only at 18th century WASP men as outlined in Common Sense is not and should not be applicable to today. While it is important to learn of the history of politics, the teacher does not encourage our diverse, powerful community of students to compare these outdated ideas of equality to modern concerns. She does not encourage my classmates to reflect on the hypocrisy in today's foreign affairs as compared to America's very foundations.

If I were to give Paine the benefit of the doubt and not assume that he cares only for the "rights" of Christian white men, if Paine were alive today he would be fighting on the side of Palestine, of the Middle East, of everyone that hegemonic, (arguably) imperial, capitalist America is against today.

Thomas Paine, a terrorist? Damn straight. Of course, today, what do we call terrorists that win the war? Revolutionaries.

T. Paine: a rose by any other name... still dead.



I need to tone down the stress; my body has been taking a hit due to it. It's silly for me to be worry so much about these individual things, but I think that it's really the sum of it all that's getting to me. School, friends, family, relationships, messy apartment, no groceries, extra curriculars, no phone, and - now that I think about it - no sleep.

I don't know how to tone the stress down though when all of the above must be handled. I can't take any of it off my plate, so now I just need to figure out a way to deal with it all more peacefully. Less stress means better health for me... something to look forward to.


Must... Work... Harder...

I need to get my act together. The random non-school stuff has been keeping my happy and sane, but let's face it -- happiness & sanity < school.

Wish me luck.

Growing Down?

As much as I pride myself in being my own woman, Miss Independent, strong, powerful, and usually pretty stubborn, recently I've noticed that I've taken a liking to being taken care of.

I almost don't like that I like that (if that makes any sense). I think that it's a new feeling because aside from my parents, I never really let anyone take care of me. I'm the Ate. I somehow found it endearing that the men in my life needed my TLC to make it through the day.

I think that I need to give people that benefit of having the same desire to take care of others in the way that I do. I didn't like it when anyone paid for me for lunch, but I always wanted to pay for others. Why didn't I ever turn the situation around?

Asking for help doesn't make me a weaker person. Letting someone take care of me when they offer isn't asking someone to go out of their way. Allowing for someone to lift me up doesn't put me below them, rather it brings me closer to them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Thank you.


Love My Life

So many things to blog about.

For now, I shall blog about this:

Today, a friend was sharing his philosophy about men and relationships. He asserted that generally, it is the guys' responsibility to make sure that his girlfriend is OK and to make sure that her needs are met. I didn't agree, thinking that that makes women sound very needy with insatiable desires. Later, after an hour of struggling to find a way to talk to the boyfriend at 12 in the morning, I told him that I wanted to give up and that I was very sad. So he told me that he's coming over, even though it takes him an hour to get here. I didn't even ask. Maybe my friend was right. At any rate: LML.