Day by Day, Wednesday by Wednesday

Last weekend is but a distant memory.

It's Wednesday again, the day I dread most. It's the most difficult day for me to get into because by Wednesday, I feel like I've been going at it for a while (last weekend is now a distant memory) yet the end of the week is nowhere in sight.

I was mentally prepared for today to be difficult, but I didn't feel prepared for my lessons. Regardless, my secret/not-so-secret goal for the year is to, well, make it to the end of the year. Nothing fancy. Nothing stellar. I just gotta make it.

My secret goal for the short term is to go as many consecutive days as possible without being absent. So far, so good. I'm in the minority of teachers, actually, who hasn't missed a day yet. It's been one month. Do I feel like I deserve some kind of reward? Nope. The other teachers legitimately were sick or had pressing reasons that they couldn't be out of town. But I'm not even thinking of them. I'm in competition with my self--my lazy self, that is. Or rather, my cowardly self.

I'm focusing on not letting my fear of failure or my imperfect lessons keep me from school. I'm focusing on being at school. A crappy lesson by me, a teacher whom the students know, is better than a non-lesson by a substitute. On top of that, my role as a teacher doesn't end at my classroom door. I have a responsibility to help build and maintain the new and evolving school culture into something positive. That only happens when us regular teachers are there as near every day as possible.

Finally, part of being there means being forgiving to myself after school in the evenings. I work as much as I can until I don't want to anymore. And then I stop. Because if I keep going, it's going to make me not want to go to work the next day and that's just not worth it.

That's all for now--happy end-of-hump day <3

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