I am Not Throwing Away My Shot

I just submitted a "paper" as an application to be part of conference about multicultural education...

...my paper was shy (very shy) of the "approximate length requirement", my paper was not a "research" paper (I don't have enough experience in academia nor enough time between school and work to submit such a paper), and my curriculum vitae is woefully sparse (read: no publications or awards to date)...

...but I submitted it anyway!

I almost chickened out. I abandoned my attempt at a paper for several weeks and, right up against the deadline, I had decided that my paper was not good enough to be submitted.

But then I thought: why am I deciding that my paper isn't good enough? Why am I deciding that I don't have enough accolades on my CV to be considered for their conference? That's their job to decide, not mine.

My only job was to write something on a related topic to the best of my ability, submit it by the deadline, and include a curriculum vitae.

That, I did. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Tonight, I took a shot. I've taken many, many shots in the past; I managed to make one or two. I'll take many more henceforth. I won't walk away from opportunities--not even the long shots.

Here we go, 2018.

I am the architect of my own life. Do I drown myself in unnecessary anxieties or am I too ladled in it?

What do I want?

I want to do important things. I want my day to be meaningful. I want to be productive. I want to have social interactions. I want to use my brain and talent. 

What do I really want?

I want to not stress. I want to have time to just read, write, and be physically active. I want to not worry about money. I want to have a safe, cozy home. I want to have fun experiences. I want to learn. I want to use my knowledge.

What will it take to get there?

It will take cutting out things from my life that take up time yet don't actually go towards what I want.

Work part time at AIA? ... Leave after D block? Pros: approximately two hours less per day of work at AIA. Cons: pay cut without actually that much less work.

Take a break from teaching and see what areas of my life call for my service. Would I miss teaching? Or would I feel relieved and look to do something else completely? Pros: a break. Plus, I'd always be able to come back to teaching if that's what I wanted. Cons: Wasted education and training? pay cut? setback in teaching career? even as I list these cons, I know that I don't really believe that these are major cons.