(I used to be a) Passion Planner

This post is titled after the Passion Planner, my sister's friend's friend's cool awesome inspiring idea. When she told me about the Passion Planner, its maker was working towards her $10,000 goal on a Kickstarter. Now, she's at $430,000.

When I saw the concept to the Passion Planner, I felt just as fired up and ready to go do! as I'm sure all of the Kickstarter backers felt when they watched the sales pitch. Many know that normally, I would be first in line for a planner like that--in fact, I was distraught that I hadn't thought of inventing the Passion Planner and marketing it because that's all I do! Plan! ...huge, ginormous, out-of-this-world goals!


I haven't bought it. Yet? To be honest, I'm a bit afraid of it. It reminds me of my too-fired-up, all-wound-up, over-booked, over-stressed me. I still doodle and write notes to myself in my (dozens) of journals, but I've kept away from the Passion Planner.

I used to pride myself in being a passionate person. I care deeply about certain things, get very excited about many things, take failure hard, and cry and cry and cry a lot. Now, I'm wary of "passion". I think it's underrated. Caring deeply about something can light a fire beneath you or it can stress you the fuck out when all you want to do is go to sleep and be well-rested for the next day. Passion doesn't get you anywhere--hard work does. Commitment does. Patience does. I'm here in my job right now, taking it day by day and expecting nothing paramount of myself. Tell me, is this flawed thinking -- "Last time I poured my heart into my job, I failed. Now, I'm taking things little by little, and I'm surviving. Therefor, I shall not pour my heart into my job."

I don't really know how to feel. I think I'm a bad teacher right now. Well, I guess it's more fair to say that I'm not the teacher that I want to be right now. And I don't know how to feel about that.

Ho hum.

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