Today, a teacher friend of mine mentioned this thing called 'writing workshops', where (in this case) teachers come together to read and talk about narratives written by teachers. The idea is to get more teacher voices out into the world of policy.
It reminded me that I need to record my thoughts, progress, and obstacles--if, for nothing else, for me to look on and (hopefully) see how much I've grown.
Today was a hard day. Normal hard. Which, for the record, is very hard. I get frustrated when things don't go according to plan or when students don't put away their damn cell phones. I get frustrated when students would rather do nothing than participate. I get frustrated when students talk back to me.
I'm still coming to school every day despite having little to no confidence in my lesson plans. I'm hoping that good lessons come later, with practice, by getting through these rough draft, "first year teacher" lesson plans. I try to connect with students--I greet every student by name, ask them about little personal things that I know about them, and congratulate them on doing well or on improving in class. I try to remember the fact my students are still learning about who they are by listening to what others say about them. So, when I say "thank you, Jason, you're such a helpful person", Jason starts thinking to himself "I'm the type of person who likes to help people".
I feel pretty beaten down right now for having what I feel was an unsuccessful lesson day, for being behind on grades, and for having no idea where I'm going with the content. I'll try to focus on some positives, though. Let's say, 3 positives. Here they go.
1.) I really like my students. Some of them are really funny, some are sweethearts, some are helpful, and others are really talkative and just want to tell me everything about their lives. They're awesome. I want to do a good job for them. I may not be doing a good job. But I do know that by the end of the year, I want to be there for them.
2.) It's mid-November. Soon it will be December. And then Spring. And then Summer and I'll have gotten through my first year of teaching.
3.) Weekends, holidays, and vacations. Looking forward to my upcoming trips!