All That (and a Bag of Chips)

I need a handbook of American metaphors, clichés, sayings, and euphemisms. My imagination "goes wild" with confusion when someone is speaking to me and they say something like:

"...we need to tighten our belts!"

"...we need to go out before the camels!"

"...how do you like them apples?"

or "Do I look like a turnip that just fell off of the turnip truck?"

LOL.

Metaphors are supposed to help "drive a point home", but many times, you end up losing me completely, speaker.