Mom says... Getting through it does not have to mean suffering through it... But rather taking steps to take care of myself while time passes.
Time will pass.. But how will i spend my time in the meantime? It's up to me.
i already knew that my hours spent working outside of work would be less productive and less efficient than if i were a veteran teacher... I
Think that for now, i need to also spend less time outside of work working than i want... I will not feel bad for cutting myself off...
Every time that i feel down, i need to remind myself that i've felt down before and then i got through it. I've wanted quit before, but i didnt... I got through it. This is that moment, too. Im sitting here, blogging on my phone... Wanting to quit teaching... But i wont quit. Just like last time.
Every time that i feel down about not getting all the work done that i need to get done, life goes on anyway. This anxiety that i feel right now... This is that moment, too. Life will go on this time just like it did last time.
I need to remember the light at the end of the tunnel, even when my eyes are cast downward, even when the light is too small to see. The light is not three years of teaching experience, the light is not the end of my first year of teaching... But rather it's the small moments of clarity that follow each instance of wanting to quit. When i start to lose sight of things, when i start to think about quitting all over again, i need to remember that that feeling will go away if i just go for a run or call a loved one. This moment will pass. I refuse to lose myself in self-pity.
I want this job to feel rewarding, yes... The only way it will be rewarding, though, is if it were hard first. This is the hard part. I will get through it.